Fair Amount of Jammin' and Suckage

Sometimes I am obsessed with listening to Tate's ipod. I don't know if it is because I feel as though her music is such a huge piece of her - and every single song screams "her"...or if the selection of music is just so random and fun...? I will go months without touching it, and then, I will go for days at a time when my headphones don't leave my ears! Today was a Tate-ipod day the whole day at work...from the classic Tate-80's jams, to the Stones, to the funky Fergie, to the Journey, to the monster ballads - and even some country thrown into the mix! I feel as though I could live through anyday or time or era - as long as I had her ipod to jam to. My world transforms into a different universe all together. I am constantly tapping my feet, bobbing my head, or playing the air drums - embarrassing the heck outta myself, because I just cannot refrain. I love days like today when I chill in the essence of her!

But then...........the down-side comes along. I honestly, for the first time in a long time, just tried to call her. Right after she died, I would find myself reaching for my phone multiple times a day to call or text her. Her number is still in my phone, I can't take it out. Just now, as I was heading downstairs to study a bit before my class, I caught myself reaching for my phone - actually HEARING her voice...and in my own head, hearing my voice saying "hellllllllllllllo dawwwwwling deeeeeear"...(if you know us at all, you are well aware of the many crazy, silly voices we would use with each other). My heart just about sank.

Sometimes I feel as though she is on vacation - or overseas, or somewhere else far away. Sometimes I still feel as though I will get to talk to her and catch up with life for the past 9 months...oh what a phone marathon it'd be! Sometimes I miss her so much I can't catch my breath - and almost get excited to finally see and talk to her again.

Days like today - although jamming to the funky beat of Tate, and enjoying every minute of it - well, days like today just suck.